God Training Wheels

I saw a letter-collage that says "everyone knows you're a fraud"
and thought
that should be up in my office.

so you stole it

it was a picture
online

I think we all feel like that

like the time I held my nephew during his baptism

and the people asked me if I would help bring him into a world of god's love

I thought -- everyone is thinking FRAUD

well, yes, you will
only, in your way.
you don't need "god" training wheels because not knowing doesn't terrify you
that's how I feel
I deal with that kind of feeling on a daily basis.

that's some brilliance, cory

forrealz

Dialogue, 6/2/08

C: "Have you seen that show where they show you what you can get with your money? It's called something like, uh, 'What You Get for the Money.'"

L: "I love that show. Every episode is like "For $18,000 in Shittyville, Nebraska, you can get a thirty-seven room estate complete with full-time staff and gardens....."

C: "....And in New York City, you can basically go fuck yourself before we laugh you out of the mortgage office."

Success! New York Times!

The Circus AMOK benefit, GLAMOK!, held on Monday night at PS122, was, in a word, fabulous. In all, I think we raised a fair amount of money--perhaps an extraordinary amount of money for an organization of our size. (We have a full-time staff of 1, basically.) I think we're both extremely lucky to be given the reception that got--meaning, people came happily to party, drink, take in the performances, and donate their hard-earned cash to the cause. But I also think that we 1) know about throwing a party, and 2) we know how to work really hard.

Baby Dee is extraordinary. I felt glad that she was able to drive all the way from Cleveland, where she now resides, to grace us with her harp and her music and her presence. Her performance on Monday night was simple, powerful, honest, graceful and seemingly effortless. Check out her new record, "Safe Inside the Day," at her website. She describes it as: "This album is very much about the street I grew up on. Where The Earlie King ruled without mercy. And Bobby Slot and Freddy Weiss invented the Dance of Diminishing Possibilities." What's not to love about that? Also, she said something in the dressing room, which is not dirty or salacious or gossipy, but I shan't reprint it here. It was most certainly the quote of the week.

We also had Reverend Billy and some of the Stop Shopping Choir--they were a huge hit and lovely to behold in all their rag-tag (and yet not rag-tag at all) glory. Amen. Julie Atlas Muz presented a glorious, live performance that left the audience speechless, and then left them screaming with joy and begging for more. I think every time she graces the stage that happens. She's just so marvelous. I love the sheer energy and love that Carmelita Tropicana brings to the room; so present, so funny, so in-the-moment, so real. And, of course, Fabio Tavares; who will forget his extra-faggy take on the Houdini escape? In a tuxedo tee and tiny black briefs? Of course, The Dazzle Dancers were splendidly glittered and gorgeous, in all their naked, peace-spreading eminence. I love everyone in this community. I feel so glad to be a part of it.

Huge, incredible, deep, genuine thanks to all my peeps who signed books for the silent auction, and thanks to all the peeps who attended, bought drinks, put money in the hat, got drunk, hollered, dressed in something absurd and gorgeous, and helped Circus AMOK bring our bawdy, raucus, queer, one-of-a-kind, award-winning, one-ring spectacular--ALL FOR FREE--to city parks throughout the boroughs.

AND, AND, AND!!! We're now featured in the arts section of The New York Times. Go and check out the video in the multimedia section at the bottom!!!

Quote of the Week: 3/10/08

IT'S A TIE!!

"Just when you think Pinkberry owns the right to most-vaginal-sounding frozen yogurt place, along comes Red Mango."

--Me, on Bleeker Street

and

"You know what I'd tell him? Trust me on this one. I'd tell him to grab the girls and get the hell out of Dodge."

--Some guy on the subway upon hearing of Gov. Spitzer's prostitution scandal

Dialogue, 2/15/08

M: Do birds have orgasms?

L: Uh....

M: I mean, because their brains are so small and uncomplicated.

L: They must, right? Everything must feel good when it does it. Right?

M: I don't know.

L: Dolphins masturbate, so there's that.

M: So you've got a bird with no orgasm, or a masturbating dolphin. This is what it comes to.

Dialogue, in Two Parts (Unrelated.)

W: I only want to see movies with starships, explosions, and superpowers.

L: Right.

W: And cute boys.

L: Right.

W: And cute boys with superpowers flying startships and making explosions.

--AND--

E: Maybe if I had the vaginal canal of a dwarf it would be okay.

L: What kind of vaginal canal do you have?

E: The kind of a grown ass woman.

Bathroom Wisdom

From the bathroom wall at Nowhere Bar:

"How can you be a drug addict in the new millennium?"

Not Just R.I.P.

From an email exchange regarding Viggo Mortensen's full-frontal male nudeness in the film "Eastern Promises."

Lee: I mean, it's limp, it has a shaft and a head, there are nuts underneath. Who cares?

Witold: So that's it? No more interest in Viggo's Mortensen?

Lee: You say that like this is an easy decision for me.

Witold: 'It's limp, it has a shaft and a head, there are nuts underneath.' This needs to go on your tombstone.

Overheard

Woman waiting on the F Train: "Can you believe he just volunteered his sperm like that? It's not like he's rich, or smart, or good-looking."

Have you heard?

Chris: Have you heard about this anal bleaching?

Me: Yes.

Chris: Why do they do that?

Me: So it's not as brown, I guess.

Chris: What if you like it the way it is?

Me: Then you're a pervert.

Some Happenings

-I got a new phone. Now what will I do come September when this class action lawsuit goes through?
--I got a new haircut(e). It's a Mohawk, basically. Emphasis on the 'mo.

--We went to the Pride Parade today. There were so many churches. Oy. Who knew the gays went to freakin' church so goddamn much?

--Someone walked up to the syrup stand and asked me: "What is a petri dish? I heard about it on the radio."

--Kip wants me to place a $350 order from Prevail Sport, whose catalog I stole from my PO Box. (I don't think so.)

--Kip and I are going to Tennessee next week, plus Dollywood. Be jealous.

--Quote of the Week goes to Alice, at VUE: "When I went to the allergy doctor, someone had a dog in the waiting room. At the allergy doctor! Don't you think that's not something you should bring to the allergy doctor?!?! OH, and GET THIS, his name was Peanut."

Quote of the Week

Greenmarket customer: "This maple candy is so addictive. It's like crack."

Lee: "It's much better than crack."

Greenmarket customer: "Because you don't have to heat it."

Quote of the Week

"How do you cook bacon? I fuck up so much damn bacon, you would not believe."

--Greenmarket customer.

Quote of the Week

From a Greenmarket customer:

"You know who I don't like: couples who enjoy fitness together."