"Weddings are never fun. You cannot have that much fun with your friends and your family all together, spending that much money. You are putting an unfair burden on your romance by imagining that this ridiculous Hallmark-greeting-card love thing is actually going to work. I don't understand the whole process: the poor girl has to go out and buy, with her own money, some dress that she will never wear again; you go out with the man the night before and he is allowed to get blow jobs from hookers. It seems to me that's a reason to break up with someone, not to marry him. And the idea that it's supposed to be the happiest day of your life? I had a big sixtieth birthday party. What's the difference? You pay for a big party and you have fun at it. But I didn't expect that it was going to make me fifty again."
Also, in an email sent to me this morning, my dear friend Michael, channels my future NPR interview. He wrote this:
NPR: So your … latest … book of essays discusses the time … in your life … when you worked 17 jobs, including shilling …. syrup at the Union Square Farmer’s …. market. What was that period …. like for you?
LH: What was it not like? It was everything and nothing. I barely remember it, yet there it was.
NPR: It’s really … powerful, the chapter on the sexy … syrup bottle. How did that change … life for you? Your … perspective …
LH: Sex changes everything.
NPR: Do you miss … that sense … of … chaos?
LH: Oh I have chaos now. In fact, I need to wrap this up so I can make my Howard Stern interview and my Annie Leibowitz shoot. Are we done here?